to gain is to give,

EXPLOSION

my hairdryer exploded.

sparks from the hairdryer

and BOOM! a loud sound!

then all dark.

no power.

lol.

WORK

many things going on at work.

i dont know what i should do.

who is the 'bad person'?

who is the one who keeps stabbing others?

its scary to work in this environment,

not knowing if i'll be the next one targeted.

its becoming complicated.

i'm not sure if it will be okay actually..

sighs.

i guess thats what 隔墙有耳 means.

dont say too much even if there is no one around.

the wall has ear.

just be careful.

human beings can do anything to make them in the best shoes or to get what they want/need.

therefore, even a trusted someone can betray you overnight.

THOUGHTS

i really wonder why human being are so vulnerable.

thought of a quote kind of thing...

"To gain is to give."

To gain good results, hard work, determination and time needs to be given.

to get something that you want, you have to pay, and before that, you need to work.

so i guess, to make yourself secure on the position, it can also means pulling someone down?

sigh!! it feels so politic yet not govt. politics.

grr.

ELECTION (2)!

that reminds me of the upcoming presidential election this coming saturday.

which tan to vote for?

but i guess, i know who i want to vote for, though i'm not sure who will be elected afterall.

2 elections to vote for once i'm legal to vote, GOOD OR WHAT?

so 2 additional public holidays this year!

mom told me once,

you very lucky ah, just can vote, need to vote two times, normally dont even need to vote! hahahaha!

bro says....

then much better to have election every year therefore we get 2 more holidays in a year!

HAHAHAHA! (:

PLANS

i mean vacation holiday.

going to hongkong from 19th to 22nd sept.

taking leave to enjoy.

but its burning my pocket.

- $400 to change to HKD for shopping & hotel (& i dont think its enough! might change another 100 at least!)

- $300 for airtickets.

plus i just spent $180 on my new crumpler bag! (:

time to save money after my vacation so i can buy my macbook pro next year when my sis goes poly!

but then again, i dont know if i should get a ipad2 instead, since, tablet is the next thing! rather than PCs.

hmmmms! but ipad 3 is coming out next year!!

hahahaha!

that reminds me that i'm going to get new casing for my iphone 4 when i'm at HK. wooooots!

long post today.

too many things to share? HMMMMS! :P

byeeee!

anyway, i'm on twitter! :)

http://twitter.com/Smileyfe

follow me if you want. BYES~!

time flies

back to the topic of time moving too fast..

sometimes, i really hope that we have 48 hrs a day, yet, i dont want it at the same time. i doubt i have the strength for 48hrs, since i've less than 1/2 energy after 24hrs. BOOO!

& i'm always hungry.

HAHAHA!

okay, not always, but still!

esp. the night.

and the day.

(NOT THE WHOLE DAY LAH!)

hahahaha! okay, i'm crapping..

but i just want to blog since its the last day of MAY! gosh. time really really flies.

we are coming to the half year mark of 2011.

maybe now that i'm past the 21st mark, i sense that i'm getting older, hence, more observant of the days that is moving. just slightly less than 2months to me being 22! HAIYO!

too fast. too fast. too fast.

& i still dont know what i want for my future.

what i should do.

what i can do.

what i want to do.

my never ending problem.

and now again, i dont know if i should go back to studying.

and if i should, what i should study.

i feel as though i'm at my lost state again.

i'm happy now.

yet i dont know a year later.

or maybe a month later.

i just dont know what i want anymore.

bleah!

enough of the emos.

maybe i'm just lack of sleep.

and i'm still tired.

lol.

bye bye peeps!

hope for a better post soon! HAHAHA! :P

spreading

of my decision of withdrawing school have reached Ngee Ann poly?

HMMM....

suddenly I get facebook msg from my deputy director of my course.

how cool! hahaha..

i mean, what are the chances of such things happening?

though i'm kind of close of my lecturers, i've only really talk about it to one.

somehow i dont know how to reply to such msg.

yes, i mean, i do know what i want now..

but yet there are still lots of uncertainty.

thats life, isn't it?

i think i have matured.

from a person who only follows to deciding what i really want.

the old me would just follow what others say/do.

now, I do think about the impact it will bring to me and to others..

i know there are more cons of not getting a degree as compared to having one (in another 4 years time).

i just know that i'm not ready now.

I'm going to use this 1 year break to think through and then go into part time studying of something i really like. (even if that means going back into life science)

you know, i do like life science, i know that.

i just dont like the way it is taught in university. (i'm sorry!)

shouldnt learning be an enjoyable process?

but that past few weeks, all i felt was pressure, procrastinations, lost.

all my passion was gone.

so i guess leaving school not only make me happier but also NOT KILL MY PASSION FOR IT.

alright. i shall stop blogging.

enough of such weird feelings.

i've made my decision, and i'm sticking to it.

take time, enjoy life.

its only going 1/4 of my life.

so I'm going to think it through and live it as happily as ever!

CHEERS TO ME!

hahahaha! (:

i'm such a happy person now. (:

off to listen to my favorite song for now,

Need You Now, Lady Antebellum.

(go youtube if you haven hear this before! hehehehe!)

uphill, downhill, everywhere.

thats what my emotions are these two days.

terrible feelings.

lost.

contradictions.

isolation.

crying.

feeling as though its the end of the world.

worried about making wrong choices.

felt like giving up everything.

and so many many things that i dont know what else describe it.

i guess, i'm just like a crab, strong on the outside, emotional on the inside.

a colleague told me ytd that she feels i'm a strong person..

yet i know deep down i'm not.

i'm just like a crab. :/

after talking it through with my mom,

i guess, i have more or less an idea what to do this two months or so.

but yet, i dont know if things will work out again..

i dont dare to step out, worried that every step i take is the wrong choice that i'll regret sooner or later. i'm thinking back to where i left sec sch... why i ended up taking biotech in poly.

and should i continue with in that direction..

whether i still have a passion for it.

my mind is mixed up..

my feelings are mixed up.

it has been like a roller coaster ride.

i know i told everyone i'm okay, i'm surviving in school.

but deep down, i know i'm not enjoying it anymore.

the moment i step into school, i start counting down to the hours left.

how do i enjoy going to school again?

is it the course or is it just me being naughty, not wanting to go to school.

what, tell me..

i need answers, yet i know only i have the answer to all the questions that i have.

but yet again, i cant decide on the answer myself.

its like liking it yet hating it at the same time.

is this what love is? or what passion is?

loving and hating together?

or am i in the wrong mindset afterall.

anyway, i'm sorry if i worry anyone out there.

I think its just a phase where i need to go through it now.

i think i just rushed into going into university last year.

didnt think of the things that i want.

i just told myself last year that i can survive uni.

but surviving and doing what i really want is different right?

now, i dont want to force myself into doing things that i dont want to do anymore.

not that i'm finding the easy way out.

its just, not appealing to me anymore.

i wonder why am i so upset with it.

somehow, i have a feeling that i had made up my mind.

yet, i keep telling myself that it might be a wrong choice.

sigh.

maybe i should just stop thinking about it for awhile.

let my mind roam free and easy.

maybe then i'll find a solution or an answer to what i want.

bye.

CNY!

新年快乐！

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR.

time flies, like SERIOUSLY.

was looking through my picture folder on my laptop and to realize that time flies.

its been 4 years since i graduated from SEC SCHOOL!

going 1 year since i graduated from POLY.

and i'm already going 4th week into my second semester in UNI!

been working at subway for like what, 9 months!?!

wow. time zoomed past, dont they.

and my pet hamster of 2 years and 5 month just left me today. (06-02-11)

[R.I.P my 豆豆/阿肥 (hamster), thanks for spending your 2 years and 5 months with me! (: I LOVE YOU FAT FAT! 17 Sept 2008 - 06 FEB 2011.]

alright. i hate time moving so fast uh.

or maybe because i'm living in singapore.

busyness leads to not stopping and enjoy life.

i just spent my 3 days of CNY holiday doing nothing school related.

completed only my microbiology report today.

only type a crap paragraph for my japan and singapore assignment.

didnt revise any other modules.

listen through the multimedia for japanese 1.

argh.

can i have another 4 days of holiday again?

PLEASE?

rewind leh!

FE IS PISSED OFF WITH TIME PASSING BY SO FAST.

HMMMMF!

okay, whatever.

i better go type somemore for my damn assignment 1. :/

BYES.

3 weeks left!

holiday always pass by quickly..

it was like ytd when i just finish my exams!

but in reality, its already 2 plus weeks!

so i'm left with 3 weeks!! sigh!

and i'll take my result in less than a week.. (just 4 more days! SHUGS!)

i dont know what i want.

some part of me wants to return to sch.

yet another part says no.

i've to start deciding what modules to take as electives again.

kind of troublesome. haa! many things to think about and i tried the timetable builder ytd..

my timetable ended up having lots of breaks inbetween! i hate that!

plus an elective (crime friction in chinese and english) is not available i think!

SIGH! shall see how its goes..

alright. i shall read my story book!

i finished the girl with the dragon tattoo yesterday!

and started on the girl who played with fire! (:

goooo FE!

read and start planning for outings!! hahahaha!

i'm lazy to plan! ARGH!

oh! i just forgot to blog about this..

hehes.

went to the doctor the other day to check my fingers.

(i think you guys know... no fingerprints, skin keep dropping!)

so after so many many months, i finally went to the doctor!

and its a specialist in Dermatology. so the first thing he told me was... hand eczema.

so he say not to wash dishes! do laundry!

basically, not to do anything that requires the use of strong soap.

so i googled it and there are like so many things to take note of!

- not to wet my hand too often!

- use lots of moisturizers! but not creams!

- dont touch hot water.

- dry my hands after washing!

and so on.

hahahas. no wonder i always feel that my fingers are itchy whenever i wash dishes for too long! LOL! :)

thanks!

for your encouragement.
telling me not to give up!

was still feeling kind of down today morning!
plus lift upgrading started.
so the drilling also started. :(
sighs. i knew it would clash with my studies!
like it always does. :(

after receiving ur sms today, i felt so much better!
and I made a promise not to give up.
esp. my life. HAHA! (:

so i went to sch... with a slight headache.. and feeling hungry.

and guess what, i manage to understand the lecture!

normally i would be kind of lost...

but not today.

hahaa. (:

great right! ((:

so yes, i'm kind of a happy girl today. (:

plus clementi market is re-opening!

another reason to be happy!

yes? no?

haa..

alright.

time to go and remember my damn b-oxidation cycle. :((

awwww!

byes!

life is just weird.

you know, i really gt the feeling of giving up..

i wanted to stop doing anything and just relax.

(i'm serious okay! cos i really dont feel like studying at all now~)

hahas... and i was feeling moody for the entire week...

since theres' a lot of things that i wasnt doing very well after all..

tutorials dont know how to do...

term paper not even half way done...

lab report unsure if i done it correctly..

but you know, I suddenly feels motivated again!

maybe its thanks to you u know...

hahas. i doubt you will read this, but i think partly u somehow make me feel that, i should really work hard for everything that I want, not to give up easily...

and you will be there for me, to encourage me... (:

I really like the feeling!

i feel that i'm nw in control.

i'll do my best.

not to fail my hopes for myself.

(:

jiayou FE.

i know life is weird~

haa~ and it always surprise/motivate you at the last moment.. (:

lalala~ (:

Fe is now a happy girl that will work hard for her own future!

(3 (3 (3 hahas. :3

byes readers!

and do work hard for urself too! (:

but not overly stress okay.

jiayou FE, jiayou everyone.

I'll reward myself with an Iphone and tons of story book in dec!

so JIAYOU FE! ((: i'm so waiting for my own reward to myself!! ((:

5th week

of sch is almost OVER!

gosh! i really feel that time flies too fast in uni! (:

gd thing or bad?

hmmms.

nvm, so fast its gg to be recess week soon.. another 2 more weeks or so. lol. getting used to sch already. was feeling depressed at time but it went off then came back then off again. haa~

catching up & therapy sessions in ngee ann was the best. haa~ really didnt want to leave... it just feel so comfortable! thanks Dr. Lau, Dr. Tan & huey shan! i really miss u guys tons. (: loves loves! i really miss poly. constructions constructions but the LT at LSCT are really NICE! (: gd thing i get to see it. :))

hehes. really miss it. and kakifuyong is loves! (:

uni food is okay, kind of cheap but nt everything is nice. haa! (i miss sim's japanese's curry salmon!!) hahaha.

alright, kind of tired already. hehes.

byes. update soon. :P

alumni's dinner on 18th! yesss. loves. great. another round of catching up! (: hehehes.

busy,busy&still busy.

hahahas. yes, i am.

lol. time really really fly, dont they?

so fast, its already AUGUST.

and that means, start of uni life... hmmms... what will it bring... how will it go?
lots of things going through my mind nw. haas.
what modules to take.
how many modules this sem...
can i get the modules...
will my timetable crash....
lol. so many things... and worst is trying to see if i can get into the same class with my frens.
haa. the bidding thing really kills me.
it drains my energy faster than ever.
esp. the close bidding round. arghs.
crap those pple who spam last min.
sighs.

haas. okay. i know i shldnt ramble here. haas.
work has been busy so far. haas.
kind of like lack of staff. hahahas.
so yeah, working working working.
transition mode to studying is a little bit tough. lol.

but what makes me want to work is becos of the studying. no?
hmms. sometimes i wonder what i want in life afterall?
what is my final goal?
where is that?

I used to be so sure of my future when I'm in secondary school.
but now, not anymore.
plan changes and so do us.
haas. things will never be the same i guess.
i hope i chose the right field to go into.
i wish i know where this road will bring me.


lol! too much of thoughs today, and early in the morning.
must be the start of Aug thingy that is starting to bother me.
hehehes.

alright.
raining heavily nw, if i'm nt wrong...
all the best to me, getting to work, without getting wet?

hahahas. byes!

*P.S- i seriously feel like getting the iphone 4. omgs.... temptation!!

iphone 4 or save for uni.
lol. i know the obvious choice, yet, i'm still contemplating.
hahahaas. anyone wants to sponsor me? :P